Raising My Challenging Ego Child

Kathy, Thank you so much for the education and experiences that you provided for us during our last IMS Retreat. Although I have not been following your structured learning path of writing and book reports, I have been journaling, listening to the tapes made during our counseling sessions, and faithfully studying your text book, "Journey Home," the newsletter, and the seminar/retreat handouts. Most of all, I have been making a conscientious effort to speak and behave according to my loving emotions, and not my ego.

I have said this before, and I will say it again, "bringing up my ego is the most challenging child to raise that I have ever encountered." I have heard you speak many times about our immature soul and our transformation into our loving mature soul, but I failed to connect the dots. I spent time learning how to distinguish my ego voice from that of my wise soul, and from the inspiration of my higher spirit. The rationale of my ego was very clever, deceitful, and knew how to trigger my fear beliefs. I now live each day with considerable calm, more courage, happiness, joy, and excitement. It is great having fun, and watching other people respond to my changed attitude in a positive and magnetic way. I have more clarity of the difference between living from the immature soul compared to living and thinking from the loving emotions. The result that it provides in everyday life is dramatic. Then again my whole life has been very dramatic. My spiritual sight has helped me to see myself. Some of my ego behavior has been stuck using emotions and tactics of a 7-year-old. Yuk.

I also observed the anger that I feel whenever my ego realizes that I have been functioning in a healthy, happy, harmonious, and mostly predictable manner. I still find myself being challenged by sickness, but it is a totally difference experience now. First of all, I no longer fear that I will die from some dread complication of the current disease. Second, within less than a day's time, I bravely seek the proper help to care for myself without fear of the diagnosis. Thirdly, I adhere to a total healing program without my ego making up rules of care while being in denial of my proper care. Fourthly, I am calmly able to sleep, assured that my rest will help me heal rather than produce ill complications through the night. Lastly, I recover in at least half the time as I used to, and I am experiencing that this attitude works. Yeah! As I reread what I have just written, it sounds so juvenile, but as I wrote earlier in this letter, I am still going through the steps of raising my challenging ego child.

Being able to reestablish a closer bond with my daughter, and to experience the joy of grandparenthood is one of the best things that has occurred to me in the past 25 years. Also, being able to observe and to effect changes in our family's evolution over three generations helps me understand the integral part in the evolution of the universe. My understanding and applications of the philosophy of your Institute filters into all parts of my life. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

(2003)